So, I have this philosophy, among others, that I live by and it has become very useful. NMP or not my problem stemmed from me getting into other people’s business, both self-inflicted and unwillingly dragged in by others! I started to think about what was and wasn’t my business, and how to tell the difference between harmless talking to a friend and hashing it out over other people’s issues. When you have an issue you cannot control you have to decide if you can or cannot do anything about it. If you can’t do anything about it, it’s NYP or not your problem!
For example if you are talking to a couple of family members or friends and they get into a spat that has nothing to do with you, you must remove yourself from the problem be it literally or figuratively. If it is about you that’s another issue, but we’re talking about things that aren’t about you. If anyone tries to drag you in by asking your opinion you MUST tell them you can’t get involved. I had this fantastic epiphany about 4 or 5 years ago when I was living with someone who just so happened to be a sociopathic narcissist (covered in another post) and was constantly getting into it with them about stupid things. I usually left these conflicts feeling intimidated and it was draining. I finally decided one day that this person was not the problem, the way I viewed them was. I was letting them have the upper hand by giving them the ability to solicit these feelings from me. I had to change my point of view. I decided one day as I was watching them and doing my best to be a spectator, that they were just a miserable person who I was letting get the best out of me. I tried really hard from then on to just see them as a player in the play of life and not someone I would let into my head anymore. I had decided their hijinks were no longer my problem!
Of course this is useful in everyday life when it comes to the little things too. For instance if you witness someone acting a way you don’t approve of BUT it is not affecting you directly this is an NMP. Let’s say that you are walking your dog and so is another person, and they don’t clean up after their dog. Unless it’s on your lawn DON’T get involved, it’s NYP. There is nothing gained by telling that person not to let their dog go and not clean it up! It’s not your business! You may feel uncomfortable at first ignoring this behavior but you have to, and over time it will become second nature to you.
You have to be strategic in life in so many ways, and this is one thing you can breathe a sigh of relief about once you understand it and put it into practice. It is so liberating and induces stress and anxiety relief when you ignore what doesn’t affect you. You will get better and better over time picking and choosing your battles. You must prioritize and choose what is and is not under your control. I often remind myself by repeating in my head over and over NMP, NMP, NMP! I promise you this is a mantra you will come to enjoy saying as it frees you from stupid responsibility we put on ourselves to get overly involved in other people’s crap. Even if previously you would get involved, don’t. You actually have an unspoken responsibility not to.
I would love to hear your stories about this topic and will reply to any and all questions related to it so post away!